you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
