Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm like, not good at living.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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