saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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