we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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