You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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