maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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