drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
