She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
