Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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