i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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