She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Im part way to drunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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