I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
