And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
