I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
