Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
