you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
