so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
