we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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