the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
