I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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