i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
