hell yes lets make some ravioli
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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