I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
