I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
