He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
