Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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