I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
