Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
