no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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