we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
