Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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