i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
