I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Boobs are out for the taking
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
