I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
