respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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