Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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