It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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