I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
