I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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