I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
