i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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