You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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