Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
