College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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