i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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