I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
