Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
