Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
