Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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