we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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