just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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