so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sext me about skeletons
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
