at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
