she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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