your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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