I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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