woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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