Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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