She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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