After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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