you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
