a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
