drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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