Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
