Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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