At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
