why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
