Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
