My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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