someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
