Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We are all done wearing pants today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
