I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
