So drunk its hurt
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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