If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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